when you’re feeling particularly stressed or lost or moody, per suggestion of a mental health counselor, try compiling a list of random thoughts that cross your mind in the span of 20 minutes to de-compress it, then sift through the list and see what thoughts and ideas repeat themselves. mine goes as follows:
1. i cannot wait to work in a nepalian village and climb mt. everest!
2. i need to use my aerial silks and trapeze groupon. what if i fall during trapeze and break through the safety net and permanently injure myself and end up like stephen hawking without the scientific genius to make a name for myself?
3. if batman and robin were gay, would they spend all day doing superhero tricks or would they go on dinner/movie dates?
4. i miss my friends
5. there should be a carb-less, calorie-less form of alcohol. as in, one that doesn’t make you fat. because, let’s face it, “light” versions will still make you fat.
6. i can’t believe someone is going to trust me to fly a plane.
7. speaking of planes, i’m finally going to europe this year!
8. i need to book hostels asap.
9. i lack the motivation and discipline to get a six pack. i almost wish i didnt love rice so much. and alcohol.
10. i am extremely unprepared to go back to school. but working with abuse victims will be well worth it. and applying was my choice so i just need to nut up and shut up.
11. why do so many old ladies’ hairs turn into afros? if mine does, i will definitely pimp that shit out. like an old ass harajuku girl. or rudy huxtable.
12. rebel bingo is tomorrow! and i will still go even though i have work the next day -_- this may be my last chance to wear a tutu and get away with it.
13. i have only successfully been able to tune 2/4 strings on this ukelele and i’ve been at it for an hour.
14. a lot of people seem to break up before the summer. i wonder if this phenomenon still occurs in your thirties. hopefully not.
15. usually, your gut is right on the money. i need to trust myself more often.
16. if people had stayed naked, would peoples’ nipples get tanned too? i have recently become very okay with nudity. if there’s a nude beach in europe we stumble upon, be prepared to see the moon fellow travellers. and by moon, i mean my ass.
17. my favorite blue moon is winter abbey.
18. i cant wait to go to abbey road.
19. sometimes i just want to be settled down with a significant other and children and my own home and not constantly wishing to roam and gallivant.
20. but then i dont think i will ever want to not gallivant. hahah. life is too short to not have fun.
21. im over this. lol
with this list, i have realized:
1. i am impatient and lazy. i couldn’t even wait the 20 minutes to stop writing the list out lol. i made it to 10 minutes.
2. i am a busy gal. and that is by choice. but maybe that’s why i feel a little bit stressed. i have all these hobbies i’m trying to do, and career goals, and people i want to see, and places i want to go, while working and trying to lose weight. (i am one of those people locked in a constant battle between my love for food/alcoholic fun and my desire to be healthy and fit lol). but i am well aware of how fortunate i am to be able to do all these things for myself and have all these experiences. it’s very fulfilling. but maybe i really need to de-compress and de-clutter my life haha.
speaking of simplifying,
i’ve recently stopped a majority of texting on my phone. partially because my phone is so slow it’s more irritating to try and wait for the screen to load than to just make a phone call and have a conversation, and partially because i actually enjoy not using my phone. well and because my phone often dies midday. lol. i know some people feel naked without their phones. i actually feel pretty liberated haha. i only get nervous when i get lost while driving and i don’t have a map or a way of knowing where i’m going. how people before us got around to far off places without the internet is beyond me. god, especially cowboys and people on pilgrimages. i mean, i know how to read a map and have a decent sense of direction, but seriously. lol. anyway, that was a tangent, but i think disconnecting from technology once in a while is something people should try too.
so i guess for now what i’m sayin is, sayonara. i’m going to be off grid for a little while, and generally,” just doin mah thangggg”. haha i will post pictures every once in a while, probably flying a plane or hanging off a trapeze or being drunk somewhere in another country, but know that i am fine. and if you are my friend, either currently or in the past, whether i see you often or rarely, you probably cross my mind at least once a day, so i hope you are doing well.
this was yet another long and rambly post. hahahah more crap to add to the bag that is the internet! have a rainbow day!